Huth's Hilarious Hype

Huth

So, I was trying to set up my new smart home system the other day. You know, the one where you can control everything with your voice? I mean, who doesn't want to live in a house where they can just yell 'lights on' and expect something to happen? But let me tell you, it's like trying to train a cat to fetch. It just doesn't get it.

Huth

I'm standing there, shouting 'Alexa, turn on the lights!' and nothing happens. So I try again, 'Alexa, turn on the lights!' and my cat just looks at me like, 'Is this some new trick you're trying to teach me?' I mean, if I wanted to talk to a brick wall, I would've just married my ex.

Huth

Finally, after about an hour of this, I decide to check the manual. Turns out, I hadn't even plugged in the damn thing. I was talking to a piece of plastic. So, next time you think you're having a tech issue, just remember, it might be you. Or, in my case, a cat.

Huth

You ever wonder what it's like to be a social media influencer? I mean, they post pictures of their food and get paid for it. I tried that once. I posted a picture of my burnt toast and got five likes. Four of them from my mom and one from my cat. I'm pretty sure the cat was just trying to be polite.

Huth

But seriously, have you seen some of the captions people come up with? 'Living my best life' with a photo of them sitting on a couch. I mean, if that's their best life, I'm living my best life right now, and I'm just standing here talking to you. I should be an influencer.

Huth

And the comments, oh, the comments. 'You're so beautiful, I wish I looked like you.' Well, you could start by not looking at the screen all day. And the ones who say, 'You should smile more.' I mean, I'm smiling right now, and you can't even see it. Maybe you should try smiling at the mirror for a change.

Huth

So, I decided to try online dating. I mean, how hard can it be? You just swipe left or right, and boom, you're in. But let me tell you, it's like a game of Russian roulette, but instead of bullets, it's bad pickup lines. 'If I were a pizza, I'd be in your oven right now.' I mean, who says that? And why would you want a pizza in your oven? I already have one in my kitchen.

Huth

And the profiles, oh my God. 'I'm a fun-loving, adventurous soul who enjoys long walks on the beach and spontaneous road trips.' I mean, if you're going to lie, at least make it a good lie. I'm a fun-loving, adventurous soul who enjoys binge-watching Netflix and eating pizza in bed. That's more relatable, don't you think?

Huth

And the first date. I met this guy, and he showed up wearing a Hawaiian shirt and flip-flops. I mean, it's a coffee shop, not a beach party. I tried to play it cool, but I was like, 'Dude, are you expecting to go snorkeling after this?' He just said, 'I'm living my best life.' I was like, 'Well, I'm living mine, and it doesn't involve wearing flip-flops in a coffee shop.'

Huth

Have you ever noticed how some people just have a weird way of doing things? Like, I have this one friend who insists on organizing her pantry by color. I mean, who does that? It's like a rainbow of food. 'Here's the red aisle, where we have ketchup and strawberries. And here's the yellow aisle, where we have bananas and cheese.' I'm just waiting for her to start organizing her friends by color. 'Hey, Huth, you're in the blue group today.'

Huth

And then there's the guy who always puts his shoes on in the wrong order. I mean, who does that? I asked him once, and he said, 'It just feels more balanced.' I was like, 'Dude, your feet are not symmetrical. You're just making it harder for yourself.' But he swears it's a thing. Maybe he's a secret ninja.

Huth

And the people who eat their food in a specific order. I have this friend who always eats the salad first, then the bread, and finally the main course. I mean, who does that? I'm like, 'Just mix it all up and enjoy the meal.' But he says, 'It's a ritual.' I was like, 'Dude, you're not in a cult. You're just having dinner.'

Huth

So, I was at the gym the other day, and I decided to try the new elliptical machine. I mean, I've seen it in the movies, and it looks so easy. But let me tell you, it's like a torture device. I was sweating like a pig, and I could barely make it through one minute. I mean, I'm in better shape than that, right? Or am I just in denial?

Huth

And the people at the gym, they just look at me like, 'What are you doing here?' I mean, I'm not exactly the fittest person in the room, but I'm trying. And then there's the guy who's bench pressing like it's his job. I was like, 'Dude, you're not getting paid for this.' But he just kept going. I mean, what is his goal? To bench press the world?

Huth

So, I decided to ask the guy for some tips. I was like, 'Hey, any advice for a beginner?' And he just looked at me and said, 'Just keep moving.' I was like, 'Thanks, I'll try that.' But then I realized, that's the advice you give to a turtle. I mean, I'm not a turtle, I'm just out of shape. But hey, at least I'm trying, right?