Nursing: The Comedy of Care

Kim

You know, the nursing process has five phases. It's like a soap opera: Assessment, Diagnosis, Planning, Implementation, and Evaluation. But in real life, it's more like 'Guess, Hope, Wing It, Do It, and Pray for the Best!'

Kim

Client education is like a stand-up comedy routine. 'Okay, Mr. Smith, you're going to take this pill orally. Not through your nose, not through your ear. Just your mouth. Got it? Good. Now, don't forget, or we'll have a comedy of errors!'

Kim

Older adults? They're like the wild card in a poker game. You think you know how they'll react to a drug, and then they surprise you. 'Oh, you thought I'd sleep? No, I'm wide awake and ready to discuss the weather from 1942!'

Kim

Statins and vasodilators. One's supposed to lower cholesterol, the other's supposed to relax your blood vessels. But in my experience, they just make everyone a little more relaxed and a lot more confused. 'Doc, I think I need a statin for my vasodilator!'

Kim

Herbal supplements. The wild card in any therapy. You think you've got everything under control, and then someone starts taking ginkgo biloba. 'Oh, you thought your blood was thin? Wait till you try this!'

Kim

Anticoagulant parameters. It's like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. 'Okay, let's see, INR should be between 2 and 3. But if it's 1.5, we panic. If it's 4.5, we panic. It's a delicate dance, folks!'

Kim

Nitroprusside safety. It's like playing Operation, but with real stakes. 'Careful, don't let the patient's blood pressure drop too low, or we'll have a Code Blue on our hands!'

Kim

Bile acid sequestrants. Sounds like a villain from a superhero movie. 'I am the Bile Acid Sequestrants! Prepare to have your cholesterol levels vanquished!'

Kim

Hyperlipidemia contraindications. It's like a list of things you can't do before noon. 'No grapefruit, no statins, no fun. Welcome to the world of high cholesterol!'

Kim

Chemotherapy goals. The ultimate irony. 'We want to kill the cancer, but we might also kill the patient's taste buds. It's a delicate balance, folks!'