Laughing Through the Chaos

Sandra

So, let's talk about the gender pay gap. You know, the only gap that seems to get smaller the more they say it's closing. Like my jeans after the holidays! I mean, I want to see the day when I get paid like a man, or at least get the same amount for answering emails! Anyone else tired of working harder for less money?

Sandra

You ever notice how they say women earn 80 cents to every dollar a man makes? Like, what are we doing with those 80 cents? Are we buying magical beans or something? If this keeps up, I’m going to start charging my boss for my emotional labor too!

Sandra

And then they tell us to negotiate our salaries. Yeah right! I can barely negotiate who does the dishes at home. I’m not ready to face HR and say, 'Excuse me, I’m worth more, just like my therapy bills!'

Sandra

Dating apps are like shopping at a thrift store. You see a lot of great stuff but mostly you just end up with some disappointment and maybe a pair of jeans that don’t fit. And why is every profile like, 'I love adventure'? What does that even mean? Are we climbing mountains or just going to the grocery store without a list?

Sandra

I swiped right on a guy who claimed to be 'spontaneous.' Next thing I know, he's asking if I want to meet at a random gas station at 2 AM. Spontaneous, or just unemployed? What’s the difference?

Sandra

And then there’s the chat. Have you noticed guys don’t know how to keep a conversation going? They start with, 'Hey,' and I'm like, 'Hey? Did we just invent texting to say, hey? Or did you forget every human interaction in the last decade?'

Sandra

So, what do men think women want? Is it the fancy dinners? The grand gestures? No, honey, I just want a guy who knows how to work a washing machine without calling for backup!

Sandra

Every time a guy thinks he’s being romantic by bringing me flowers, I’m secretly judging him. Those flowers are beautiful, but can you lift the toilet seat while you're at it? It’s not like I’m asking for a diamond ring or anything—just basic hygiene!

Sandra

And what’s with the 'I respect women' line? I don’t trust it! If I had a dollar for every time a guy said that and then ghosted me, I'd finally close that gender pay gap myself!

Sandra

You know, I love when men say they respect women. Yeah, sure! Then why does every guy with a 'Respect Women's Rights' sticker on his car still park like a total jerk? It's like, 'Oh, you respect women in theory, but in practice, you can't parallel park?'

Sandra

Respecting women should come with a manual. Like, 'Step 1: Don't interrupt. Step 2: Don't mansplain. Step 3: If you think you’re a nice guy, remember that nice guys don’t finish last—they just finish alone.'

Sandra

And then you have guys who think they're 'the exception.' You know, the ones who think just because they hold the door open, they deserve a medal. Newsflash, buddy! Holding the door open doesn’t earn you a spot in the 'Men Who Respect Women' Hall of Fame!