Business Processes: The Comedy of Compliance

Christian

Hey everyone! So let's talk about business processes. You know, those wonderful things that are supposed to keep organizations running smoothly. Or as I like to call them, 'the rules no one follows.' Why do we need processes? Because if we didn’t have them, every office would turn into a scene from 'Survivor: Corporate Edition.'

Christian

I heard a company say they don’t need processes because their employees are 'creative.' Let me tell you, creativity in the workplace usually means someone’s about to turn a simple task into a five-part series on Netflix. 'Tune in next week to see if Bob remembers to file his reports or if he just decides to paint a mural instead!'

Christian

Let me ask you, how many of you have worked somewhere where the only process was the 'guess and check' method? Raise your hands! (pause for reactions) Yeah, I see you over there – you’re the reason your office has so many 'Oops' signs everywhere!

Christian

Then there’s the whole accountability thing. When things go wrong, it’s like an episode of 'Clue.' 'Was it Susan in accounting with the missing reports? Or was it Mike in marketing with his interpretive dance presentation?' I swear, accountability in the office is just a fancy way to say, 'Let’s all play the blame game until it’s my turn to go on vacation!'

Christian

And let’s not even get started on quality control. I once had a burger at a fast-food place that looked like it was assembled by a toddler on a sugar rush. I thought, 'Wow, this must be the result of their non-compliance process. 'They must have said, 'Hey, let’s throw some lettuce on a bun, call it a day, and see what happens!'

Christian

So, folks, remember this: Business processes are like having a map in the middle of the woods. You might think you can find your way without it, but trust me, when you’re lost and confused, you’ll wish you had followed the signs. Just don’t be like my GPS that keeps saying 'recalculating.' That’s not a process, it’s a cry for help! Thank you and goodnight!