House Hacking Hijinks: A Real Estate Roast

Bartholomew 'Barty' Butterfield

So, I decided to become a house hacker. Sounded easy, right? Like, I'd just buy a house, rent out rooms, and live rent-free. Naïve, I know. Like believing in Santa Claus… only Santa Claus doesn't leave you with a leaky roof.

Bartholomew 'Barty' Butterfield

My first viewing? It was…charming. Let's just say the 'character' of the house was more pronounced than I'd anticipated. The wallpaper was arguing with the floorboards, and the plumbing sounded like it was having a existential crisis. Anyone seen a good plumber? I'm offering free rent and emotional support.

Bartholomew 'Barty' Butterfield

But I bought it anyway! Because, you know, the location was *amazing*. Right next to a dumpster. And a highway. And a slightly unsettling abandoned factory. So, yeah, I’m living my dream…a slightly dilapidated, slightly terrifying, slightly amazing dream.

Bartholomew 'Barty' Butterfield

Then came the contractors. I found this guy on Craigslist… he said he was 'experienced'. He had a very enthusiastic approach to using duct tape.

Bartholomew 'Barty' Butterfield

His 'repairs' involved a lot of creative problem-solving. Like using a coat hanger to fix the electrical wiring. I’m starting to think I should have just learned how to do it myself... with a YouTube tutorial. Anyone here handy? I’m offering… well, reduced rent on a slightly less electrifying apartment.

Bartholomew 'Barty' Butterfield

Let's just say my house now has a unique 'rustic' charm. It's mostly held together by hope, duct tape, and sheer willpower. And a little bit of fear.