E-Learning in the UK: The Online Jungle

William

Good evening, everyone! So, let’s talk about e-learning in the UK. Who here has taken an online course? Raise your hands... or don’t, because you probably want to stay anonymous after that last accounting course, right? I mean, online degrees are like dating apps; you swipe right for the one that promises the best future, but all you get is catfished by a 40-year-old professor in sweatpants!

William

And these professional development courses! Nothing says 'I’m serious about my career' like a certificate you print at home. It’s like, 'Congratulations, you’ve completed a course on how to look busy while actually doing nothing!' I mean, one day I’ll be showing that certificate to my grandchildren, 'See kids? This is how I wasted two weeks of my life, and all I got was this piece of paper!'

William

How many of you have tried a skills bootcamp? Yeah? Well, it’s basically like adulting 101, but with more PowerPoint slides and less actual adulting. You come out thinking you can code and manage a team, but in reality, you can barely manage to open your email without panicking. Raise your hand if you've ever tried to learn coding! Yeah, the only code I understand is the one that says 'do not eat after midnight!'

William

And we can't forget about MOOCs! Massive Open Online Courses: a great way to pretend you’re learning while actually binge-watching your favorite show. You tell people you’re enrolled in a data science course and they’re like, 'Wow, that’s impressive!' Meanwhile, you're just trying to figure out how to get the popcorn butter to flow into the bowl without spilling it everywhere! 'Hey, I’m learning important life skills here, okay?!'

William

And language courses! You think you’re becoming cultured, but really, all you can order in Spanish is a taco! 'Sí, dos tacos, por favor!' And then you stand there, looking confused when they ask you if you want guacamole. I’m just trying to impress my friends on Instagram, okay?! 'Look at me! I’m bilingual! I can order food in another language!' Meanwhile, my friends are just texting me asking if I know how to say 'where’s the bathroom?' in Spanish.

William

So, whether you're getting an online degree, taking a professional course, or just trying to learn Spanish with Duolingo, remember: at least we're all in this confusion together! And hey, if all else fails, there’s always a cat video to watch, right? Thanks for being such a great audience tonight!