Motivation Overload

Dave the Motivator

Good evening, everyone! So, I was trying to get motivated the other day. You know, the usual—woke up, stared at the ceiling, and then thought, 'Wow, I’m doing great!' But really, who needs motivational talks when your bed hugs you tighter than your ex ever did? You ever had a motivational conversation? It’s like a therapy session with a motivational speaker who just Googled 'self-help quotes' five minutes before your appointment!

Dave the Motivator

Active listening! They say it’s important to listen. I'm sitting there, nodding my head like I’m at a concert, while I’m actually thinking, 'Did I remember to put pants on today?' It’s like trying to solve a Rubik's cube while someone talks about their feelings. You’re just there like, 'Uh-huh, colors... I feel that!'

Dave the Motivator

Has anyone here ever tried to set a goal? Raise your hand if you’re still working on last year’s resolutions! (Pause for audience reaction) Right? Setting goals is just a fancy way of saying, 'I'm going to pretend to have my life together.' Like, 'This year, I'll run a marathon!'—and by 'run a marathon,' I mean I’ll sprint to the fridge during commercials!

Dave the Motivator

And let’s talk about motivational quotes. You know the ones like, 'Believe in yourself!' I mean, sure, but can we also acknowledge that sometimes, believing in yourself feels like trusting a fart after Taco Tuesday? In closing, life is a journey, but please don't make me take the scenic route with motivational speeches. Just let me binge-watch Netflix while I figure it out, okay? You've been awesome, thank you for letting me share my motivational struggle!