Digital Hustle: Growing Your Brand in the 21st Century

Johnny Biz

And then there’s the pressure to post! You gotta be on top of trends. I tried making a TikTok the other day about my morning coffee routine. I ended up looking like a caffeinated squirrel! Who knew pouring cream could be so... captivating? And the hashtags! I’m using #CoffeeMagic and #SquirrelVibes. I think I scared half my followers away.

Johnny Biz

But hey, audience, how many of you have a secret social media account? (pause for audience reaction) Right?! It’s like our alter egos! I call mine 'BusinessBabe43'. It’s where I post motivational quotes and yoga poses. My friends are like, 'Wow, you’re so centered!' And I’m like, 'Yeah, that’s all the yoga I do… in my mind!'

Johnny Biz

Next up, let’s talk branding. Branding is just a fancy way of saying, 'Look at my shiny thing!' It's like dating! You want to make a great first impression, but you end up looking like a glitter bomb exploded on a business card.

Johnny Biz

You know what I mean? You spend hours perfecting your logo, only for it to look like a child’s finger painting. I’ve got friends who swear by color psychology. They say, 'Red invokes passion!' I tried red for my brand once, and all I got was a lot of angry feedback! 'Why does your logo look like a fire truck?' Thanks, Susan!

Johnny Biz

But let me ask you, how many of you have ever bought something just because the packaging looked cute? (audience response) Exactly! You see that little fox on the label, and you’re like, 'Shut up and take my money!' It’s like… why is my wallet lighter? Oh right, I just bought organic vegan gluten-free kale chips because it looked like a Pinterest board threw up on it!

Johnny Biz

Now let’s dive into SEO, the love-hate relationship we all have. It's like dating someone who’s super successful but keeps ghosting you. One minute you’re at the top of Google, and the next, you’re like, 'Hello? Is anyone listening?'

Johnny Biz

You know what I mean? I spent hours researching keywords. I’m like, ‘Okay, I’ll use “best pizza in town” on my site.’ And then I find out that the pizza place down the street has an SEO expert working for them! I'm over here like, 'Did they conduct a secret pizza tasting to win the algorithm’s heart?'

Johnny Biz

Seriously, audience, what’s your secret? (audience interaction) Is it bribes? Do I need to send pizza to Google? Because I’ll do it! Anything to get my site ranked higher than that place with the suspiciously perfect reviews!

Johnny Biz

Email marketing! It's like being that annoying friend who keeps showing up uninvited. 'Hey, remember me? I’m selling stuff you didn’t know you needed!'

Johnny Biz

And let’s be real, nobody reads those emails! You’re just waiting for the unsubscribe button like it’s your golden ticket to freedom. I once sent an email that got one click—my mom. I was like, 'Great, I can always count on her to support my bad decisions.'

Johnny Biz

So how many of you here actually enjoy receiving marketing emails? (pause for audience interaction) Exactly! It’s like—what’s the point? I’m just here for the memes and the cat videos, not your life insurance policy! But I guess that’s why I keep sending them, right? My mom needs something to read beside her romance novels!

Johnny Biz

Let’s chat about content creation. You ever sit down to write and realize you’re just talking to yourself? 'Hey, Johnny, what do you think about this? Oh, I think it sucks!'

Johnny Biz

And the brainstorming sessions are wild! I’ve got sticky notes all over my wall like I’m trying to solve a crime. 'Okay, what if I combine cat memes with crypto advice? That’ll go viral!' The only thing that goes viral is my sanity slipping away!

Johnny Biz

But let’s face it, who needs therapy when you can create content, am I right? (audience laughter) Just me and my laptop, talking it out. Someday I’ll write a self-help book titled, 'How to Lose Your Mind One Blog Post at a Time.'

Johnny Biz

Networking in pajamas! We’ve all done it. A Zoom call where you’re wearing a nice shirt and your favorite pajama pants. Who’s with me? (audience interaction) You start to think, 'Do I really need pants for this?'

Johnny Biz

And the awkward moments are classic! Someone asks you to stand up. I’m like, 'Uh, actually, I’m here for the networking, not the catwalk!' Just praying my camera doesn’t pan down to reveal a 'I love naps' pajama bottom!

Johnny Biz

But honestly, who needs to dress up? I’m all about comfort! I mean, if I’m going to sell something, I prefer the 'pajama chic' look. Clients will be like, 'Wow, he’s so relaxed, he must know what he’s doing… or he just woke up from a nap!'

Johnny Biz

And let’s talk about influencers. They’re like real-life superheroes without capes. 'I can make you famous!' I’m sitting here like, 'Can you just make me a sandwich instead?'

Johnny Biz

Seriously, how did we end up here? People are now getting paid to post pictures of their coffee and breakfast! I’m over here trying to get likes for my 'artistic' bread-and-butter pics! So if I take a picture of my avocado toast, do I get a sponsorship deal or a lifetime supply of avocados? Because I can make that happen!

Johnny Biz

But how many of you would switch places with an influencer for a day? (audience interaction) Exactly! Sitting on a beach, sipping cocktails, taking selfies. But then reality sets in… I can’t even commit to a breakfast bowl, let alone a brand! But hey, I’ll take the free avocado toast!

Johnny Biz

Let’s talk website design. It’s like putting together IKEA furniture without the instructions! You think you’re building a sleek website, and you end up with a haunted house where nothing works.

Johnny Biz

I hired a designer once who promised me a user-friendly site. The only thing friendly about it was the '404 Error' page! I’m like, 'Is this part of the design? Or did we just lose the entire website in cyberspace?'

Johnny Biz

And let’s not even get started on mobile responsiveness. I’m over here turning my phone upside down, hoping my site will magically fit. I’m like, 'Why does my site look like a toddler’s finger paint on my phone?' Who designed this? A five-year-old with a crayon?

Johnny Biz

And customer service! It’s like a game of poker. You don’t know if you’re going to win or lose. You call in, and you’re always met with the same robotic voice. You think you’re talking to a person, but it’s actually a friendly AI pretending to care!

Johnny Biz

You’re on hold for what feels like an eternity. I’m convinced they’re just playing elevator music to torture us! You know the moment you hang up, they’re like, 'Hey, we just wanted to confirm your order for 500 pizza cutters.' I’m like, 'No! I wanted one!'

Johnny Biz

But how many of you dread that moment when you actually get a real person on the line? (audience interaction) You’re like, 'Wait, what? Are you really talking to me? Is this real life?' But then they start reading the script, and you’re like, 'You know what? Just send me to the robot. At least he doesn’t ask me how my day is going!'

Johnny Biz

Finally, let’s talk analytics. It’s the only place where you can feel both proud and confused at the same time. You open up your dashboard, and you’re like, 'Wow, look at all these numbers!' But then it’s like they’re all speaking a different language.

Johnny Biz

You want to feel accomplished, but instead, I’m just staring at the screen like I’m trying to decipher an ancient text. 'Okay, so what does bounce rate mean? Is it how many people left my site to bounce into the arms of my competitor?'

Johnny Biz

And every time I think I understand it, someone says something like, 'Your CTR is low.' I’m like, 'What’s a CTR? Is that a new dance move? Because I can’t keep up!' It’s like the numbers have turned against me, and I’m just here trying to make sense of it all!