The Last Stand: A Night to Remember

speaker1

Welcome, everyone, to ‘The Last Stand: A Night to Remember’! I’m your host, Joe, and today we’re diving into the wild world of fundraising dinners. These events can be a mix of the sublime and the ridiculous, but one night in particular stands out as the worst of the worst. So, strap in, and get ready to hear a tale that’s both hilarious and a bit cringe-worthy. Here with me is our co-host, Sarah. Sarah, have you ever been to a fundraising dinner?

speaker2

Hey, Joe! I have, and let me tell you, they can be quite an experience. I remember one where the food was so bad, I thought I was eating leftovers from a 1980s prom. But I’m sure your story tops that. So, what made this particular night so awful?

speaker1

Oh, it’s a doozy. This was a fundraising dinner for a new school in the Mission. I went with my friend Tommy, who assured me it would be a fun night. But from the moment I walked in, I knew it was going to be a disaster. The bar was so slow, I could’ve grown a beard waiting for a drink, and the food—well, let’s just say it was a culinary nightmare. Have you ever had to deal with a slow bar, Sarah?

speaker2

Oh, you know, I’ve been there. I was at this one charity gala where I had to wait 20 minutes for a glass of water. It was so bad, I started thinking about bringing my own drinks to the next event. But the food was just as bad as the bar, huh? What did they serve?

speaker1

They served a mystery meat dish that looked like it had been thawed out from the Ice Age. And the vegetables? Well, they were more like decorations than actual food. But you know what? The worst part wasn’t the food or the bar. It was the endless speeches. They went on for what felt like hours, and each one was more boring than the last. Have you ever been stuck in a speech marathon, Sarah?

speaker2

Oh, absolutely. One time, I was at a tech conference where the keynote speaker just droned on for two hours. I swear, I saw people checking their watches and dozing off. But I can’t imagine a fundraising dinner being that bad. Did they have any celebrity appearances to liven things up?

speaker1

They did, but it didn’t help. They had this big-time sleazoid emcee, and he brought out a few celebrities to do some tributes. But the real kicker was this young girl who had had surgery for a cleft palate. She told her story beautifully, and it was genuinely touching. All the women were in tears, and everyone stood up to applaud. But then, the emcee decided to get creative with his fundraising tactics. Have you ever seen anything like that, Sarah?

speaker2

Hmm, not really. I’ve seen some pretty outlandish things, but this sounds next level. So, what did he do?

speaker1

He introduced the ‘Oompa-Loompa tactic.’ He said, ‘Anyone who wants to provide $50,000 to help fund a new pediatric surgery chair should sit down.’ A guy at the front table sat down, and these orange-clad servers—looking like Oompa-Loompas—burst out and started cheering and mobbing him. It was like a scene from a bad reality show. What would you have done, Sarah?

speaker2

Oh my God, that’s terrifying! I would’ve probably been too scared to sit down, thinking I’d accidentally pledged a fortune. But it gets worse, doesn’t it?

speaker1

It does. They kept lowering the amount, and people started sitting down left and right. By the time they got to $2,500, I was feeling like a trapped rat. And then they went down to $1,000, $500, and eventually $250. At this point, I was the only one left standing. The crowd was looking at me like I was the biggest cheapskate in the room. Have you ever felt that kind of pressure, Sarah?

speaker2

Umm, yeah, I remember this one time at a friend’s wedding when the DJ asked for a spontaneous dance-off. Everyone was looking at me, and I just froze. But that’s nothing compared to being the last person standing at a fundraising dinner! So, what did you do?

speaker1

I stood my ground. I wasn’t about to give in just because of some weird pressure tactic. But the emcee wasn’t done. He started going down by $5 increments, and then by the dollar. The crowd was getting more and more agitated. They wanted to leave, but they were trapped. Then, something unexpected happened. A fat guy at the front table yelled out, ‘I’ll give $5,000 if you’ll just stop!’ And the emcee, seeing an opportunity, started a bidding war. People were bidding just to get me to sit down. Can you believe it?

speaker2

No way! That’s insane. So, did you sit down in the end?

speaker1

I stood my ground until the very end. They got down to $10, and then the emcee was giving me the stink eye. I gave it right back, and he started going down by the dollar. By this point, the entire room was ready to lynch me. But I held my ground, and they finally gave up. The emcee smiled sheepishly and moved on. It was a long, tense, and exhausting night, but I survived. What do you think, Sarah? Would you have done the same?

speaker2

I don’t know, Joe. I think I might have cracked at $250 just to escape the pressure. But your story is a lesson in standing your ground, even in the most uncomfortable situations. So, what was the aftermath? How did you and Tommy get out of there?

speaker1

Well, we managed to sneak out without too much trouble, but the next day, the story was all over the office. My boss, who had given me the tickets, was a bit miffed. But in the end, we all had a good laugh about it. And you know what? It’s a story that’s stuck with me. It’s a reminder of how far people will go to get what they want, even if it means putting someone on the spot. What lessons do you think we can take from this, Sarah?

speaker2

Hmm, I think it’s a lesson in setting boundaries and being prepared for the unexpected. And it’s also a reminder of the power of peer pressure, even in the most unlikely settings. But on the bright side, you stood your ground, and you didn’t let anyone push you around. That’s a win, in my book. So, what’s the craziest fundraising tactic you’ve ever seen, Joe?

speaker1

Well, I’ve seen everything from silent disco nights to auctions where the items are completely overpriced. But none of them come close to the Oompa-Loompa tactic. It’s a reminder that fundraising can be a cutthroat business, and sometimes, the weirdest ideas are the ones that work. Thanks for joining me, Sarah, and thanks to all our listeners for tuning in. Stay tuned for more crazy stories next week!

speaker2

Thanks, Joe! It’s been a blast. And remember, folks, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, maybe just bring your own snacks and a book. Until next time, stay safe and keep your wallets close! Goodnight!