Flavor Fiasco

Michael

Hey everyone! You ever notice how food preferences can make or break a friendship? Like, if your best friend loves strawberry milkshakes and you're over here gagging at the mere thought? I mean, strawberries are like nature’s candy… but who put that much sugar in nature? You know what I really like? Salt. Because salt doesn’t judge me. Salt just enhances everything. It’s like my best friend who says, 'You can eat that plain potato, but how about we sprinkle some salt on it and call it gourmet?'

Michael

So I tried cleaning my grandparents’ breathing machine today. You ever had a strong aversion to something so hard you thought you might pass out? I’m there, cleaning it, and I’m like, 'This is what vinegar feels like when it’s being poured over salad.' You know, that bitter juiciness – it’s like the fruit’s way of saying, 'I’m not that sweet, but I’m still gonna ruin your day!' And can we talk about vinegar? Vinegar is like the bad roommate who eats all your food and leaves the mess behind. Like, why does something that smells like bad decisions need to exist? Just why?

Michael

Let me ask you, who here loves chocolate? (Pause for audience response) Yeah, I tolerate it too! It’s like, 'Oh chocolate, you’re sweet… but are you sweet enough to betray my taste buds?' I’ll take chocolate over fruit any day. At least chocolate understands balance. You know what I mean? If it’s too sweet, I mix it with vanilla. Vanilla is like that friend who’s just chill – it says 'You do you' while being dependable.

Michael

In conclusion, folks, I’m here to tell you that embracing the saltiness of life is the way to go. I mean, who needs sweet when you’ve got those McDonald's fries, plain and salty? Just give me a bucket of salt and a side of fries, and I’ll be the happiest person on this earth! Remember, life’s too short to force yourself to like strawberries… or vinegar. Stick with what makes you happy – and if that’s a big ol' bowl of salt, then by all means, dive in! Thanks for being here, you salty legends!