The Broken Shaft Odyssey: A Timeline of Ross’s Legendary Journey

speaker1

Welcome, everyone, to another thrilling episode of our podcast! Today, we’re diving deep into the saga of Ross, the Brit who has become one of the most beloved and roasted figures at the Broken Shaft. I’m your host, [Host Name], and joining me is the wonderful [Co-Host Name]. Are you ready to roll, [Co-Host Name]?

speaker2

Absolutely, [Host Name]! I can’t wait to hear this story. So, where do we start with Ross’s journey?

speaker1

Let’s start at the beginning, in 2017. Ross first graced the Broken Shaft by flying in from Swindon, a place more known for its roundabouts and drizzle than anything else. He joined through his work with Ryan, who, for reasons still unknown, thought it was a good idea to bring a 20-handicapper with a superiority complex to a serious golf tournament. How did that go?

speaker2

Hmm, I can imagine. So, what was his debut round like? Did he make any memorable moments?

speaker1

Oh, memorable is the word. Despite the best efforts of the Devils to carry him, Ross spent most of his debut round demonstrating what can only be described as 'creative' shot-making. After each poorly struck ball, he’d immediately yell 'Ride the Panda!' or 'Streaky Bacon!' as if it somehow absolved his sins. It became a legendary Broken Shaft tradition. But how did the other players react to this?

speaker2

I bet they were a bit taken aback! Did anyone try to stop him from yelling these phrases?

speaker1

Not really. It was so bizarre and unexpected that most people just let it slide. Moving on to 2018, Ross managed to con his way back into the event. The highlight was being in the mix after day one, but the lowlight? Watching his name plummet down the leaderboard as his golf game regressed into an angry, club-slamming fit of despair. Any standout moments from that year?

speaker2

Umm, I can imagine the contrast must have been quite dramatic. Was there anything particularly funny or frustrating about his musical contributions that year?

speaker1

Absolutely. His taste for obscure UK electronic dance beats—songs that sound like someone threw a washing machine and a tin can into a blender—was quickly vetoed anytime he reached for the speaker. One player even muttered, 'This is the stuff they play in the back alleys of Swindon.' What do you think about that?

speaker2

That’s hilarious! I can see why it might be a bit much during a golf tournament. Moving on to 2019, how did Ross fare in his third year?

speaker1

By 2019, Ross had become the tournament’s resident Eeyore. When things went south, which they frequently did, he was the first to throw out a sigh and declare the entire game a fraud. Despite all of this, he had a solid enough showing, even cracking the top half of the leaderboard. But in true Ross fashion, he lamented, 'If I hadn’t gotten so unlucky out there, I probably would have won.' What do you think about his attitude?

speaker2

It’s classic Ross. He always seems to find a way to turn even a simple bogey into a Shakespearean tragedy. Moving on to 2021, what was the highlight of that year?

speaker1

2021 was the year Ross became 'Captain Solo.' No one traveled further to be here, no one complained louder when things went sideways, and no one spent more time riding solo in a golf cart. After yet another round of self-inflicted misery, no one wanted to be his cart partner. It turns out, a lethal combination of sour attitude and 19 hours of electronic dance music in one weekend can drive even the most tolerant of golfers to the edge. What do you think about his endurance and persistence?

speaker2

That’s pretty impressive, in a way. It takes a lot of determination to keep coming back, even when things don’t go your way. What about 2023? Any notable moments that year?

speaker1

2023 was the year of the first-ever 'Ace to Win' scenario in Broken Shaft history, and it was Ian who pulled it off. As the tournament erupted in celebration, Ross, ever the optimist (sarcasm intended), somberly asked, 'What happens if someone else gets a hole-in-one?' The response was immediate and savage: 'First one wins, Ross. It’s in the book.' His heart, shattered. His hopes, dashed. His golf ball, likely in a pond somewhere. How do you think he handled that?

speaker2

Ouch, that must have been a tough pill to swallow. It’s almost like he’s setting himself up for disappointment. What about 2024? Did anything change for him that year?

speaker1

2024 saw Ross somewhat figure things out—or at least, he had a stretch of holes where it looked like he did. He came out firing and found himself in the top tier after round one. Surely, this was his year! And then, inevitably, 'The Ross Effect' kicked in. The wheels fell off faster than a Swindon commuter’s will to live. As his game crumbled, his sighs became deeper, his declarations of injustice louder. Still, he fought through it, pairing with Ryan for an epic battle in the Angels vs. Devils match. But even victory couldn’t shake the dark cloud that follows him. By Sunday, he was back to his rightful place in mid-table mediocrity. What do you think about his resilience?

speaker2

It’s impressive and a bit tragic at the same time. Despite all the setbacks, he keeps coming back. Now, let’s talk about one of the most infamous aspects of Ross’s game: his shot-yelling antics. What are some of the most memorable ones?

speaker1

Ross’s shot-yelling has become a Broken Shaft staple. You’ll hear a booming 'RIDE THE PANDA!' or 'STREAKY BACON!' erupt from somewhere on the course. It’s equal-opportunity heckling, and at this point, it’s as much a part of the tournament as hangovers and bad wedge play. One theory suggests that 'Streaky Bacon' is his way of acknowledging a pure shot, while 'Ride the Panda' is his version of telling a wayward shot to hold on for dear life. What do you think about these phrases?

speaker2

They’re certainly unique. I can see why they might be entertaining, but also a bit distracting. What about the reactions of the other players? Are they divided on this?

speaker1

Absolutely. The field is split into two camps: Team Chaos, who love the absurdity and now expect it on every single shot, and Team Please Shut Up, who are trying (and failing) to focus while Ross is in their group. It’s a love-hate relationship, but it’s a part of the Broken Shaft culture now. What’s your favorite Ross moment?

speaker2

I have to go with the 2021 mid-putt disaster. During a tense, six-foot putt for birdie, a competitor stood over the ball in dead silence, poised to roll it in. Just as the putter made contact, Ross—watching from the fairway—yelled 'RIDE THE PANDA!' for no apparent reason. The ball violently lipped out. Silence. Followed by a death stare. Ross, oblivious, took a sip of beer and carried on. That’s gold!

speaker1

That’s a classic! It’s moments like these that make Ross such a memorable part of the tournament. Finally, let’s talk about Ross’s legacy at the Broken Shaft. What do you think his lasting impact has been?

speaker2

Ross remains one of the tournament’s most beloved figures. The only man to travel across the Atlantic just to experience three rounds of self-inflicted agony. The guy who plays off 20 but acts like he’s being scouted for the Ryder Cup. The only player whose mood is directly proportional to his Stableford score. And yet, through all the years of frustration, solo cart rides, and unhinged Panda-riding chants, the Broken Shaft wouldn’t be the same without him. What do you think about that?

speaker1

I couldn’t agree more. Whether you love it or hate it, Ross’s shot-yelling antics have become a tournament staple. He may never win the Shaft, but he’ll always be the guy who ensures every shot, good or bad, is accompanied by some utterly nonsensical British gibberish. Thanks for joining us, [Co-Host Name], and thanks to all our listeners for tuning in. Until next time, keep swinging and maybe, just maybe, try yelling 'Ride the Panda!'

speaker2

Thanks, [Host Name]! And remember, if you don’t like it, well, tough luck. The Panda’s been ridden, and the Bacon is streaky. See you next time!