The Agony and the Ecstasy of Modern Life

Bartholomew Buttercup

So, I went to this trendy brunch place the other day. The menu…oh my god, the menu. Twenty-seven different types of avocado toast. Twenty-SEVEN. I spent a good fifteen minutes paralyzed by indecision. It was like choosing my life path, but with less existential dread… and more avocado.

Bartholomew Buttercup

I finally ordered one, a seemingly simple ‘classic’ avocado toast. But then, the waiter asks: ‘Would you like that with everything bagel seasoning? Or perhaps some chili flakes? We also have a delightful truffle oil…'

Bartholomew Buttercup

And you know what? I ended up just wanting a plain old piece of bread. Anyone else feel the pressure of brunch? I mean, it’s just toast, people! (Pause for audience laughter and interaction) Seriously, what’s the deal? Is this what the future holds? An endless cycle of over-engineered avocado toast choices?

Bartholomew Buttercup

Dating apps. A digital wasteland of perfectly filtered faces and bios that boast about loving long walks on the beach… and also crypto.

Bartholomew Buttercup

I swear, the algorithm is designed to show you the same three people over and over again. It’s like Groundhog Day, but instead of reliving the same day, I’m reliving the same disappointing conversation with someone who only responds with GIFs.

Bartholomew Buttercup

And don’t even get me started on ghosting. It’s like they vanish into thin air. Poof! Gone. Maybe they’ve been abducted by aliens? Anybody else think that’s a more plausible explanation than the person just not being that into you? (pause for audience response). Me too.