The World According to Samandar

Samandar

So, social media challenges... What’s the deal with them? It’s like we all collectively decided to embarrass ourselves online. I mean, first, it was the Ice Bucket Challenge. Now we’re just tossing our phones into the ocean and calling it 'The Phone Rescue Challenge.' Are we saving the ocean or just making sure our phones get a vacation?

Samandar

And you know they say it’s for a good cause, right? But how many causes are we supporting at this point? I’m pretty sure if you donate $10 to a charity, they’ll send you a video of someone eating soap just to keep you engaged. It's like a weird version of 'Dancing with the Stars'—except the stars are gone, and we’re left with soap eaters.

Samandar

But hey, who’s with me on this? Do we have anyone here who has participated in one of these challenges? (Audience interaction) Oh, you did? So you’ve done the 'What’s in My Fridge' challenge? You know that one where you open your fridge and realize you haven’t bought groceries in a month? Congratulations, you’ve just made a good case for ordering takeout!

Samandar

Now, let’s talk about food. Have you seen these weird food combinations people are posting online? Like, nothing says 'I’m having a crisis' like peanut butter and pickles. I get it, we’re all trying to be unique, but at what point do we stop pretending that just because you put it on Instagram, it’s gourmet?

Samandar

I swear, if avocado toast gets any fancier, I might need a bank loan just to afford brunch. ‘Oh, you’d like the avocado toast with a hint of artisanal air and a drizzle of organic unicorn tears?’ Yeah, I’ll just stick to my instant ramen, thanks!

Samandar

And the worst part? People are actually defending these combinations! 'No, you don't understand, the pickles really bring out the sweetness of the peanut butter!' Sweetheart, we’re not at a fine dining restaurant; we’re at your kitchen, and you just called it a culinary masterpiece! That’s like saying my leftovers from last week are a 'fusion delicacy!'

Samandar

Let’s dive into adulting. Adulting is just Googling how to do things without letting anyone know you have no clue. Like, 'How to fix a leaky faucet?' I’m sorry, I thought that was just a way to keep my neighbors entertained with my DIY disasters!

Samandar

You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re watching YouTube tutorials at 2 AM, trying to figure out how to fold a fitted sheet. I’m convinced that’s a conspiracy by the bedding industry to keep us confused. Like, 'If they can’t fold it, they’ll just keep buying new sheets!'

Samandar

And let’s not even get started on taxes. I’m pretty sure I’m still doing them wrong. Every year, it’s the same thing: 'What’s a W-2? Is it a new model of a car? Do I need to trade in my receipts?' At this point, I’m just hoping for a government refund in the form of a pizza delivery.