Vacationing with a Vengeance

Jack Flanagan

So, I heard about this vacationer, Danielle Bertothy, who went to Puerto Rico to escape the cold. Now, I get it, who doesn't love a warm beach? But Danielle, she took her vacation a little too far. You know what they say: 'When in Puerto Rico, do as the Puerto Ricans do, but don't do what Danielle does.'

Jack Flanagan

She went out one night, had a few too many drinks, and started arguing with the bar staff. They kicked her out, not once, but twice! Now, I've been kicked out of a bar before, but usually, I just go home and cry into my pillow. Danielle, on the other hand, had a different plan.

Jack Flanagan

She came back with gasoline and a vendetta. I mean, can you believe it? She sets the hotel on fire! The island was already in a blackout, but she managed to light up the night. Four buildings burned down, and the only thing left standing was her ego. Who does that?!

Jack Flanagan

Imagine being a guest in that hotel, just trying to get some sleep, and suddenly, it's like a scene from 'The Towering Inferno.' The hotel owner was left in tears, and all he could say was, 'What did I do to deserve this?' I mean, what kind of guest burns down a hotel because they got cut off at the bar?

Jack Flanagan

And here's the kicker: Danielle claims she was just having a 'vacation highlight.' A vacation highlight? Burning down a hotel is her idea of a good time? No wonder they call it a 'vacation from reality.' I mean, I've had some wild nights, but this takes the cake.

Jack Flanagan

But you know what really gets me? Her sense of entitlement. She couldn't handle being cut off, so she decided to take out her anger on an entire business. That's messed up on so many levels. I mean, if I can't get my third margarita, I just cry into my pillow, but Danielle, she goes full arson. What kind of entitled monster does that?

Jack Flanagan

The good news is, she's been caught and charged. The hotel owner and the community are raising funds for the affected businesses. But let's be real, 20 years in jail isn't enough. She needs to pay for all the damages and the lives she ruined. And maybe, just maybe, she'll learn that burning down a hotel is not a vacation highlight.

Jack Flanagan

And the firefighters, oh boy, they had a field day. Imagine being called to a four-building inferno in the middle of a blackout. They probably thought it was a drill, but it turned out to be the real deal. I bet they're still talking about it at the fire station. 'Remember the night the drunk tourist set the hotel on fire?' 'How could I forget?'

Jack Flanagan

The media went wild with this story. 'Drunk Tourist Burns Down Hotel in Puerto Rico.' I mean, it's the perfect headline. It's got everything: drama, fire, and a dash of stupidity. I bet Danielle's mugshot is going to be the most shared photo on the island. 'Look at the lady who burned down our hotel!' 'Cute, but can she cook?'

Jack Flanagan

Now, the real question is: what does she do for an encore? 'Hey, I burned down a hotel, what's your next move?' I mean, how do you top that? Maybe she'll decide to steal a boat and sink it. 'Vacation highlight number two: the great boat theft of 2025.' I can't wait to see what she comes up with next.

Jack Flanagan

And here's a fun fact: this is becoming a strange holiday tradition. Every year, someone decides to burn down a hotel or a bar. It's like a twisted version of 'The Twelve Days of Christmas.' 'On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a tourist who burned down a hotel.' 'On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two bars in flames, and a tourist who burned down a hotel.'

Jack Flanagan

So, the next time you're on vacation, and you get kicked out of a bar, remember: don't go full arson. It's not worth it. Just go home, cry into your pillow, and plan your next vacation. Maybe somewhere with fewer flammable materials. Thanks, everyone!