Blowjob Bars and Beyond: A Tokyo Comedy Adventure

Jake Thompson

So, I was in Tokyo, and I decided to check out these famous pink salons. You know, the places where you can get a blow job in a store. It's like a 7-Eleven, but instead of Slurpees, you get something a bit more... intimate. I mean, I thought it would be easy, right? Just walk in, say 'Hi,' and off we go. But no, it's a whole different ball game when you're a foreigner.

Jake Thompson

Let's talk about Jan Jan. This place is budget-friendly, which is great if you're on a tight budget. But here's the catch: the ladies aren't known for their looks, but for their skills. It's like going to a sushi restaurant where the fish isn't the freshest, but the chef knows how to make it taste amazing. I walked in, and the first thing the lady said was, 'You want the special? It's only 6,000 yen for 30 minutes.' I was like, 'Sure, I'll take it, but can I get extra wasabi on the side?'

Jake Thompson

And the service? Let me tell you, these ladies are professionals. One of them even had a stopwatch. I was like, 'Hey, do you need a timer for this?' And she said, 'Of course, we want to make sure you get your money's worth.' I was like, 'Well, I'm not in a hurry, but thanks for the attention to detail.'

Jake Thompson

Now, if you want to step up your game, there's Golden King. It's a bit pricier, but the place is cleaner, and the service is a bit more... refined. I walked in, and the first thing I noticed was the polished floors and the soft lighting. It felt like a high-end spa, but for a very specific kind of relaxation. The lady at the counter asked, 'Would you like to choose your provider?' I was like, 'Sure, but can I get a menu? I feel like I'm at a fancy restaurant.'

Jake Thompson

And the prices? They vary by time, so you can get a deal during off-peak hours. I was there at 12 PM, and it was only 5,000 yen. I was like, 'Wow, early bird special, huh?' The lady said, 'Yes, we want to make sure everyone gets a chance to enjoy our services.' I was like, 'I'll take two, please. Just kidding, but thanks for the offer.'

Jake Thompson

Then there's Pretty Girl. This place is like stepping back in time to the Shōwa era. It's an antique suck shop that has stood the test of time. I walked in, and the first thing I noticed was the retro decor. It was like being in a 1950s diner, but for a very different kind of service. The staff even asked me some basic Japanese questions, like 'Where are you from?' and 'What do you do?' I was like, 'I'm from America, and I'm a comedian. I'm here to write a bit about this place.' They were like, 'Oh, a comedian? That's interesting. You can come in, but no jokes about us, okay?'

Jake Thompson

And the service? It's no-frills, but it gets the job done. I was in and out in 30 minutes for 3,000 yen. I was like, 'That was quick, but efficient. I guess some things never change, even in the sex industry.'

Jake Thompson

And then there's Marine Blue DX. This place is the McDonald's of blowjob bars. The providers go around in the open, one after another, no breaks. It's like an assembly line of oral pleasure. I walked in, and the first thing I noticed was the speed. I was like, 'Wow, you guys are fast. Is there a happy meal option?' The lady said, 'No, but it's only 2,000 yen. You can't beat that price anywhere else.' I was like, 'Well, I'll take it, but can I get a side of fries?'

Jake Thompson

And the service? It's quick and efficient. I was in and out in 10 minutes. I was like, 'That was fast, but I guess you get what you pay for.'

Jake Thompson

You know, one of the biggest cultural differences I noticed is the level of customer service. In Japan, they take customer service very seriously, even in the sex industry. I was at one place, and the lady asked, 'Would you like a drink?' I was like, 'Sure, can I get a Coke?' She came back with a cold Coke and a little bowl of peanuts. I was like, 'Wow, that's service.'

Jake Thompson

And the staff? They're professionals. I was at one place, and the lady was so good, I was like, 'Hey, you should write a book. You could be the next sex therapist.' She was like, 'I appreciate the offer, but I have a different career path in mind.' I was like, 'Well, good luck with that, but if you ever need a ghostwriter, I'm your guy.'

Jake Thompson

One of the biggest challenges I faced was the language barrier. I was at one place, and the lady asked, 'What do you want?' I was like, 'I want... um... a blow job.' She was like, 'Oh, you want the special. It's 6,000 yen.' I was like, 'Yes, that's what I want. But can you speak English?' She was like, 'A little. But enough to get the job done.' I was like, 'Well, that's good enough for me.'

Jake Thompson

And the prices? They can vary depending on the time and the place. I was at one place, and they charged me 5,000 yen. I was like, 'That's a bit more than I expected.' The lady said, 'Well, we have to pay our staff, you know.' I was like, 'I get that, but can I at least get a receipt?'

Jake Thompson

Another thing I noticed is the attention to detail. I was at one place, and the lady asked, 'Do you want a private room or a semi-private room?' I was like, 'What's the difference?' She was like, 'A private room is just for you, but a semi-private room is shared with another customer.' I was like, 'No, thanks. I'll take the private room. I'm not into sharing.'

Jake Thompson

And the staff? They're so polite. I was at one place, and the lady said, 'Would you like a massage with your service?' I was like, 'Sure, why not? It's not every day you get a massage and a blow job in the same place.' She was like, 'I'll be right back.' I was like, 'Take your time. I'm in no hurry.'

Jake Thompson

The staff at these places is unique. I was at one place, and the lady was like, 'Do you want a quickie or a full service?' I was like, 'What's the difference?' She was like, 'A quickie is 10 minutes, and a full service is 30 minutes.' I was like, 'Well, I have a bit of time, so I'll take the full service.' She was like, 'Great, follow me.' I was like, 'Lead the way.'

Jake Thompson

And the staff? They're so good, they make it look easy. I was at one place, and the lady was like, 'You want the special?' I was like, 'Yes, please.' She was like, 'It's 6,000 yen for 30 minutes.' I was like, 'I'll take it, but can I get a discount if I bring a friend?' She was like, 'No, but we have a loyalty program. You can get a free service after 10 visits.' I was like, 'Well, I'll have to come back more often, then.'掌声

Jake Thompson

You know, the commercial sex industry in Japan is a whole different world. It's like a parallel universe where everything is legal, but nothing is as it seems. I was at one place, and the lady asked, 'Do you want the deluxe package?' I was like, 'What's the deluxe package?' She was like, 'It's 10,000 yen for an hour, and it includes a massage, a blow job, and a foot rub.' I was like, 'Well, that's a deal. I'll take it, but can I get a loyalty card with that?' She was like, 'Sure, we have a card. You can get a free service after 10 visits.' I was like, 'Well, I'll have to come back more often, then.'

Jake Thompson

And the prices? They can vary depending on the place. I was at one place, and they charged me 5,000 yen. I was like, 'That's a bit more than I expected.' The lady said, 'Well, we have to pay our staff, you know.' I was like, 'I get that, but can I at least get a receipt?' She was like, 'Sure, here you go. And don't forget to tip the staff.' I was like, 'Wow, that's service.'