Laughing Through Sales

Sam Salesman

Hey everyone! Let's talk about sales—it's basically a sport, right? You've got your players, your strategies, and the thrill of the chase. But instead of a ball, we’re just trying to kick our way through awkward conversations! Anyone else feel like they’re running a marathon every time they pick up the phone? Just me? Okay, good!

Sam Salesman

I mean, think about it! Cold calls are like entering the ring without any training. You're facing a potential client—first round! You’re both sweating, and you’re just praying you don’t get knocked out by a ‘not interested!’ Even worse, that moment when you mistake the client’s name? It’s like calling the referee the wrong name and getting a penalty—nobody wins!

Sam Salesman

So, who here has ever flubbed a cold call? (Pause for audience response) Right? It’s like a wrestling match! You think you have a hold on the situation, and then BOOM—you're pinned down by awkward silence. But hey, if you don’t fall flat on your face every now and then, are you really even trying? Let’s embrace those faceplants together!

Sam Salesman

Cold calls are like modern-day jousting. You charge in, armor on, and hope to slay the dragon known as 'the uninterested prospect.' And then you get that first ring: 'Hello, is this Mr. Smith?' Silence. It's like you just hit the 'mute' button on life. You can almost hear the crickets chirping.

Sam Salesman

And when they actually answer? Oh man, that rush! But then comes the moment every salesperson dreads—the dreaded 'no.' It's like being told you can't take a shot in a basketball game. And you're standing there, awkwardly holding your phone like it’s a hot potato, trying to figure out if you can reengage or if it's just time to hang up and eat ice cream!

Sam Salesman

So when they say 'no,' how do you respond? 'Well, what if I offered you a million dollars?' It’s a sales tactic! I call it 'Reverse Psychology 101.' The only thing it usually gets me is a blocked number. Sales is like being in a relationship—if they don't text back, it's time to move on!

Sam Salesman

Let’s talk about demo disasters. You ever prepare for a demo like you're going to war? You’ve practiced every slide, every word... and then the Wi-Fi drops! It’s like being in a heist movie—'What do you mean the power’s out? Get the generator!'

Sam Salesman

And then, while you’re frantically rebooting your laptop, you can see the client’s face. They’ve got that look, you know? That 'I’m about to go back to my cat videos' look. You just want to yell, 'No, wait! This is NOT how it usually goes!'

Sam Salesman

And when you finally get it back up, you’re shaking so much, it looks like you’re trying to do the Macarena. You present the demo like, ‘Here’s our amazing product… if it works.’ Because nothing says 'trust me' like silence followed by 10 seconds of loading. But hey, we’re all in this together, right?

Sam Salesman

Follow-up fails are my specialty! You know it’s bad when you send a follow-up email that sounds more desperate than a cat in a rainstorm. 'Hey, remember me? I called you last week. Just wanted to say... hi?' We’re not selling products, we’re trying to date these prospects!

Sam Salesman

And the best part? When they actually respond, but it’s just a ‘no.’ That’s when I start to think, ‘Maybe I should start a new career as a motivational speaker... for the hopeless!’

Sam Salesman

But you know what? We need to celebrate those no's! Every 'no' is just a stepping stone to the next 'yes.' Or that's what I tell myself while I’m crying into my coffee. Who’s with me on that? (Pause for audience response) Right? Let’s get through this together, one awkward email at a time!

Sam Salesman

Let’s be real: rejection is part of the sales game. It’s like dating. You go out there, put your best foot forward, and then—BAM! They ghost you. You think you’re on a roll, and then it hits you: nobody wants to hang out with the sales guy!

Sam Salesman

And the worst part? You start to take it personally. You’re there like, ‘Was it something I said? My pitch was solid!’ Next thing you know, you’re scrolling through their LinkedIn profile wondering about their life choices. ‘Why did they choose that job? I would’ve been a better fit!’

Sam Salesman

But here’s the thing—every rejection is a chance to learn. And laugh! I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to laugh at myself for saying something so ridiculous. It’s like a rite of passage! So, raise your hands if you’ve ever bombed a pitch. (Pause for audience response) See? We’re all in this together. Let’s be bad at sales, together!

Sam Salesman

And sales emails? Oh boy! It’s like trying to impress a date through text. You spend hours crafting the perfect message, only to hit send and wonder, ‘Will they ghost me or leave me on read?’

Sam Salesman

You ever send an email that you thought was hilarious, only to realize you’re the only one laughing? That awkward moment of silence is heart-stopping. You’re there like, ‘Come on! My subject line was gold!’ But no, they didn’t even open it. It’s like sending an invite to a party, and nobody shows up... except for your cat.

Sam Salesman

And let’s not even get started on the follow-up emails. You send one more email that says, ‘Just checking in!’ and suddenly you’re the needy ex. But hey, if they read it, there’s a chance they’ll remember your name! Or at least remember that you once sent them a hilarious email about cats.