Monkeys, Aliens, and Emo Music: A Night of Absurdity

Galadriel Tristeen

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk about monkeys. They’re basically humans with bad hair and better PR. I mean, have you seen a monkey’s Instagram? They’re out here getting millions of followers for just eating bananas. Meanwhile, I post a selfie, and my mom’s the only one who likes it.

Galadriel Tristeen

But seriously, monkeys are the ultimate slackers. They just swing around, eat fruit, and occasionally throw their poop. If I tried that at work, I’d be fired. But for monkeys, it’s a lifestyle. They’re like the influencers of the animal kingdom.

Galadriel Tristeen

And let’s not forget their parenting skills. Ever seen a baby monkey clinging to its mom? That’s me at a Black Friday sale. Except the monkey’s getting free rides, and I’m just getting trampled. Monkeys are winning at life, and I’m just here trying to figure out how to fold a fitted sheet.

Leo Wifey

Now, let’s dive into Japanese pro wrestling. It’s like a soap opera, but with more body slams. You’ve got these larger-than-life characters with names like ‘The Dragon of Doom’ and ‘The Thunder God.’ Meanwhile, I’m over here trying to remember where I left my keys.

Leo Wifey

The drama is next level. One minute, they’re best friends, and the next, they’re hitting each other with folding chairs. Sound familiar? That’s basically every family reunion I’ve ever been to. Except at my family reunions, the chairs are plastic, and the drama is over who ate the last slice of pie.

Leo Wifey

And the costumes! These wrestlers are out here looking like they raided a Halloween store and said, ‘Yes.’ I mean, who decided that a man in spandex with a neon cape was intimidating? But hey, it works. I’m not about to argue with someone who can bench press a small car.

Frank Deeney

Let’s talk about aliens. If they exist, they’re probably avoiding us because we’re too embarrassing. I mean, have you seen humanity lately? We’re out here arguing over pineapple on pizza and TikTok dances. Aliens are like, ‘Nope, we’re good. We’ll just observe from a safe distance.’

Frank Deeney

And think about it: if aliens did visit, what would we even show them? ‘Hey, welcome to Earth! Here’s our greatest achievement: reality TV.’ They’d be like, ‘Let’s get out of here before we catch whatever this is.’

Frank Deeney

But honestly, I think aliens are already here. They’re just really good at blending in. I mean, have you met your neighbor who always mows his lawn at 7 a.m. on a Saturday? That’s not a human. That’s an alien trying to fit in. And failing.

Galadriel Tristeen

Now, let’s imagine what 60s emo music would sound like. Picture this: a harmonica crying in the corner. That’s it. That’s the whole song. Just a harmonica, some sad lyrics about unrequited love, and maybe a tambourine for emotional support.

Galadriel Tristeen

The lyrics would be something like, ‘I loved you, but you loved the guy with the cooler car.’ It’s all about heartbreak and existential dread, but with a groovy beat. Think The Beatles, but if they were perpetually sad and wore a lot of black.

Galadriel Tristeen

And the fans? Oh, they’d be just as dramatic. Imagine a bunch of teenagers in bell-bottoms crying at a concert, holding up lighters instead of phones. It’s like Woodstock, but with more eyeliner and a lot of ‘Why does nobody understand me?’ energy.

Frank Deeney

Finally, let’s rate English YouTubers based on their likability off-camera. Some of them are lovable, and some of them are the reason we need therapy. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones who seem really nice on camera, but you just know they’re secretly judging your life choices.

Frank Deeney

Take MrBeast, for example. On camera, he’s giving away cars and saving the planet. Off-camera, he’s probably the