The Vacation That Went Up in Flames

Jimmy Sparkles

You ever meet someone who just can't handle being told 'no'? Like, Danielle Bertothy from Missouri. This woman goes to Puerto Rico for a vacation, and the first thing she does is get kicked out of a bar. Twice. But instead of thinking, 'Maybe I should have fewer drinks and be less belligerent,' she decides, 'I'm gonna burn this place down!' Can you imagine that level of entitlement? It's like when you're at a restaurant and they tell you they're out of your favorite dish, and you decide to set fire to the kitchen. That's not a solution, Danielle, that's arson!

Jimmy Sparkles

I mean, how much do you have to drink to think, 'Fire is the answer'? I've had a few too many drinks before, but the only thing I've ever set on fire was my own dignity. And that's only because I left my lighter in my pocket. But Danielle, she went the extra mile. She went all the way back to her room, got some gasoline, and then made a triumphant return to the bar. You know, they say 'Drinking solves all your problems,' but apparently, only if you're also a pyromaniac.

Jimmy Sparkles

But hey, let's give a round of applause to the bar staff who had the guts to kick her out. Twice! They saw she was a problem and they took action. And you know what? They were probably thinking, 'Maybe if we kick her out, she'll just go to another bar and get arrested elsewhere.' But no, she came back with a vengeance. If only they had known she was packing molotov cocktails, they might have just let her drink in peace. Right, folks? Can someone tell me how to say 'fire hazard' in Spanish? Just in case I ever need it.

Jimmy Sparkles

Now, imagine you're in Puerto Rico, and you're in the middle of a blackout. It's dark, and you can't even charge your phone. But then, suddenly, the sky lights up like it's the Fourth of July. And you're thinking, 'Whoa, is that a power generator or is someone just really pissed off at a bar?' Turns out, it was Danielle. She single-handedly lit up the whole island. If only she had used that energy for good, like inventing a new kind of solar panel. Instead, she burned down four buildings. That's more buildings than I've even visited in a single night, let alone destroyed.

Jimmy Sparkles

But the best part? The community came together. They raised over $100,000 for the affected businesses. It's like, 'Hey, we know you just lost everything, but don't worry, we got you. We'll rebuild this place, and maybe next time, we'll just serve water to the belligerent tourists.' It's a beautiful thing, people coming together. It's like when you accidentally burn your own house down, and your neighbors bring you a casserole. Only, in this case, it's a whole island bringing a casserole to a hotel.

Jimmy Sparkles

And let's talk about the legal consequences. Danielle is looking at 10 to 20 years in prison. That's a long time. But you know what they say, 'If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.' Well, Danielle, you can't stand the heat, so now you're going to prison. Maybe they'll give you a job as a fire warden. How's that for irony? Can someone in the audience tell me if they've ever been arrested for arson? No? Good, because I don't think the hotel owners would appreciate that.

Jimmy Sparkles

But really, what is it with people and their egos? You get kicked out of a bar, and you think, 'I'll show them!' Instead of, 'Maybe I should apologize and go to bed.' Danielle's ego was so big, it needed its own zip code. And when you combine that with anger issues, it's a recipe for disaster. Or in this case, a literal fire. You know, they say, 'Don't let your ego write checks your body can't cash.' Well, Danielle's ego wrote a check for the entire hotel. And the bank of karma is cashing it in full.

Jimmy Sparkles

Now, the blackout in Puerto Rico was already a challenge. People were sitting around in the dark, trying to enjoy their vacations. But Danielle, she decided to make it a bit brighter. I mean, how do you even plan something like that during a blackout? Did she say, 'You know what this island needs? A little more light!' She should have just brought a flashlight. But no, she brought gasoline. That's commitment. That's dedication. That's also a felony.

Jimmy Sparkles

And the firefighters who had to put out the blaze? I bet they were thinking, 'Is this what we signed up for? Saving people from fires caused by their own stupidity?' I mean, firefighters are brave, but they probably didn't expect to be dealing with a drunk tourist on a vendetta. Next time, maybe they should just hand out coffee instead of water. 'Here, have a cup of coffee, and maybe you won't feel like burning things down.'

Jimmy Sparkles

But the real victim here is the hotel owner. Imagine being that guy, seeing your life's work go up in flames because one drunk tourist couldn't handle a 'please leave' sign. He's probably thinking, 'I should have just served her more drinks and let her pass out in a corner.' At least that way, the only thing that would burn is her pride. But now, he's got to rebuild everything. And you know what they say, 'When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.' When life gives you a burned-down hotel, you make a GoFundMe page. And that's what he did. And it's working. People are helping. It's a true testament to the human spirit. Or maybe just to the island's need for a new hotel. Either way, it's a win.

Jimmy Sparkles

And let's not forget, Danielle was on vacation. She was supposed to relax, right? But instead, she decided to turn the island into her personal stress relief center. I mean, how do you relax? By burning things down? Maybe she should have tried a spa. 'Hi, I'd like a fire massage, please.' 'Sure, ma'am, we'll light some candles and then the entire room.' If that's her idea of a good time, I'd hate to see her at a wine tasting.

Jimmy Sparkles

But seriously, folks, excessive drinking can lead to some really bad decisions. I mean, I once tried to pet a cactus after a few too many tequila shots. That was a bad idea. But burning down a hotel? That's a whole new level of bad. I guess the lesson here is, if you're going to drink, do it responsibly. And if you're going to be angry, find a better outlet than arson. Maybe take up yoga. 'Namaste, I'm burning this place down.' 'No, no, namaste, you're finding inner peace.'

Jimmy Sparkles

And those bar staff, they deserve a medal. They saw a drunk, belligerent tourist and said, 'Nope, not on our watch.' It's like being a bouncer at a nightclub, but instead of just kicking someone out, you have to deal with the aftermath. 'Hey, you can't come back in here, and if you do, we might have to call the fire department again.' I mean, that's a level of commitment I haven't seen since the last time I tried to finish a Netflix series in one sitting. But these guys, they stood their ground. And for that, they get a round of applause.

Jimmy Sparkles

The island's reaction was priceless. They were already dealing with a blackout, and then this woman decides to light up the night. It's like when you're trying to have a quiet evening at home, and your neighbor decides to have a fireworks show in their backyard. 'Hey, can you keep it down? I'm trying to read.' 'Oh, sorry, I just thought the island needed a little more excitement.' Well, she got her excitement, and then some. Next time, maybe she should just book a room with a view. A view of the ocean, not a view of the arson.

Jimmy Sparkles

But the community support is what really warms my heart. They raised over $100,000 to help the affected businesses. It's like when you lose your job, and your friends pitch in to buy you a new one. 'Hey, we know you lost everything, but don't worry, we got you covered.' And you know what? It's working. The businesses are getting rebuilt. It's a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Or maybe just to the island's need for a new bar. Either way, it's a win. So, Danielle, you might have burned down a hotel, but you also brought a community together. That's like the worst best thing you could do.

Jimmy Sparkles

And the legal consequences? Danielle is looking at 10 to 20 years in prison. That's a long time. But you know what they say, 'What goes around, comes around.' And in this case, what goes around is a fire truck, and what comes around is a prison sentence. Maybe she should have taken a nap instead of a vendetta. 'I'm just going to lie down and cool off for a while.' 'Good idea, Danielle, but maybe don't light the pillow on fire.'

Jimmy Sparkles

But really, ego and anger are a dangerous combination. You get kicked out of a bar, and instead of thinking, 'Maybe I should have been nicer,' you think, 'I'll show them all!' Danielle's ego was so inflated, it needed its own oxygen tank. And when you combine that with anger, it's like a recipe for disaster. Or in this case, a literal fire. I mean, if you're going to have a tantrum, at least do it in a way that doesn't involve arson. 'I'm just going to break a plate and cry into my pillow.' 'That's much more manageable, Danielle.'

Jimmy Sparkles

And the blackout in Puerto Rico? That was already a challenge. People were sitting around in the dark, trying to enjoy their vacations. But Danielle, she decided to add a little light. 'You know what this island needs? A little more fire!' I mean, how do you even plan something like that during a blackout? Did she say, 'You know what? I can't even see the light switch, so I'll just use gasoline.' That's commitment. That's dedication. That's also a felony. Maybe she should have just brought a flashlight. 'Hey, I can't see anything, can I borrow a light?' 'Sure, but please don't burn down the hotel.'

Jimmy Sparkles

And the firefighters who had to put out the blaze? I bet they were thinking, 'Is this what we signed up for? Saving people from fires caused by their own stupidity?' I mean, firefighters are brave, but they probably didn't expect to be dealing with a drunk tourist on a vendetta. 'Hey, can you just calm down and put the lighter down?' 'No, I want to see the sky light up!' Maybe next time, they should just hand out coffee instead of water. 'Here, have a cup of coffee, and maybe you won't feel like burning things down.'

Jimmy Sparkles

But the real victim here is the hotel owner. Imagine being that guy, seeing your life's work go up in flames because one drunk tourist couldn't handle a 'please leave' sign. He's probably thinking, 'I should have just served her more drinks and let her pass out in a corner.' At least that way, the only thing that would burn is her pride. But now, he's got to rebuild everything. And you know what they say, 'When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.' When life gives you a burned-down hotel, you make a GoFundMe page. And that's what he did. And it's working. People are helping. It's a true testament to the human spirit. Or maybe just to the island's need for a new hotel. Either way, it's a win. So, Danielle, you might have burned down a hotel, but you also brought a community together. That's like the worst best thing you could do.