Corporate Chaos: The Rise of Aeolia Mercenary

Samir

So, the National Dismantlement War... I mean, who names a war like that? It sounds like a corporate retreat. 'Welcome to the National Dismantlement War! Please enjoy your complimentary lanyard and stress ball!'

Samir

And let’s be real, overpopulation and dwindling resources? If you’re gonna start a corporate war, at least send out a brochure first! 'Congratulations! You’ve been selected to be relocated to Colony 5, where the air is thin and the jobs are thinner!'

Samir

But who do we blame? The corporations? The government? Or is it just the universe's way of saying, 'You’ve had enough of this party; now it’s time to clean up'?! Audience, raise your hand if you'd rather be a corporate slave than pay rent! (pause for audience interaction)

Samir

Now, they’ve developed this Beryil technology which sounds fancy, right? But let’s be honest—has anyone ever used a new tech without wondering if it’ll turn them into a zombie? 'Congratulations on your new ARSENAL mech! Side effects may include spontaneous combustion and existential dread!'

Samir

I mean, what happened to the good old days when technology just made things easier? Now we’ve got mechs flying around powered by hazardous particles. Great, just what I need—my own personal flying disaster zone! 'Excuse me, sir, but your mech just crashed into my apartment!'

Samir

And can we talk about the poor mech pilots? They’re basically the lab rats of the future! 'Hey, do you want to be augmented into a human-bot hybrid? Or would you rather just clean out the fridge at corporate?' Tough choice, right?

Samir

Being a mercenary nowadays? Imagine being an Uber driver but for wars! One minute you’re fighting rebels, the next, you’re like, 'Hey, do you want fries with that explosion?'

Samir

And how do you even apply for this job? 'Yes, I would like the position of professional soldier. My experience includes three failed attempts at assembling IKEA furniture and a deep fear of commitment!'

Samir

At least the pay's good, right? 'I’ll take two hundred bucks to risk my life and a side of psychological trauma, please!' And then they ask for a five-star review after you survive!

Samir

You know what the best part of living under corporate rule is? You can get fired for no reason at all! 'Sorry, but we’re downsizing; you no longer exist.'

Samir

And those perks they promise? They always sound better than they are. 'Enjoy our health plan! Just don’t get sick, and you’ll be fine!'

Samir

But you know what really gets me? They say it’s a corporate world, but we’re the ones doing all the work! 'Thanks for your hard work; here’s a coffee mug instead of a raise!' Audience, who’s got a mug they’re tired of? (pause for audience interaction)

Samir

So, we have this guy called Aeolia's Mercenary. Sounds cool, right? But let’s face it—he’s just an overqualified intern trying to make a name for himself! 'Yes, I can save you from corporate wars, but my resume says I’m just a guy with a mech and a dream!'

Samir

And what’s up with his operator, Cassandra? She’s got the coolest job title ever: 'Pilot Operator.' What does that even mean? 'I press the buttons; he does the killing!'

Samir

But hey, at least they found a way to make a living in that dystopia. ‘I went from working nine to five to fighting corporate wars, and all I got was this lousy mech!’

Samir

Isn’t it funny how violence has become a side hustle? You think you’re getting a regular job, but it turns out you’re just signing up for the world’s least fun video game: 'Survive or Be Eliminated!'

Samir

And there’s always a corporate sponsor! 'This mission is brought to you by the same people who make your favorite energy drinks. Stay energized while shooting at rebels!'

Samir

And the best part? They get to write it all off as a business expense! 'Sorry, honey, can’t pay the rent this month; I had to buy three new weapons for work!'

Samir

Augmented Humans? More like 'Corporate Console Cowboys.' You're a soldier until it’s time to get paid, then it’s like, 'I have to go; my corporate overlords need me!'

Samir

And don't even get me started on the enhancements. 'Congratulations! You've been upgraded from human to slightly more efficient human with metal arms!' That’s not an upgrade; that’s just a bad sci-fi movie!

Samir

But you know what? There’s always that one guy who takes it too far, right? 'I want to be a cyborg!' Yeah, buddy, but what happens when you want to upgrade your operating system? ‘Sorry, I can't function until I’ve downloaded the latest patch!’

Samir

Living in the colonies must be a blast! I can just imagine it: 'Welcome to Colony 7! Where personal space is a luxury and your neighbors are always watching!'

Samir

And what kind of jobs do you get? 'Congratulations, you’re now a hard laborer! Your benefits? Word of mouth!'

Samir

But at least you get a good view of the corporate ships flying overhead. 'Wow, look at those shiny machines! Too bad they’re not taking us anywhere nice!'

Samir

The corporate alliances are hilarious! It’s like a really bad sitcom: 'Tonight on Corporate Warfare—who will backstab who first?'

Samir

And they’re always sending threats via email! 'Dear Rival Corp, we’re going to obliterate your headquarters if you don’t comply.' Like, can we just stick to the usual water cooler gossip?

Samir

But you know what? They’re all just waiting for someone to slip up. 'Oh, you put pineapple on pizza? Declare war on them!'

Samir

After the Corporation War, what do you think happens? They just shake hands and go, 'Good game, let’s do it again sometime!'

Samir

And Aeolia's Mercenary is like, 'So... do I get a trophy for being the last one standing? Or just a corporate sponsorship?'

Samir

But wait, there’s more! After all that fighting, they still have to pay rent! 'Thanks for the victory, now about that apartment in the colony...'