YouTube Dreams and Dad Jokes

Dave 'The Clickbait King' Johnson

You ever notice how every YouTube thumbnail looks like someone just discovered Photoshop for the first time? It’s like, 'OMG, you won’t believe what happened!' and the picture is just a guy pointing at a blurry thing with his mouth open. Like, what is that? Did he see a ghost? Or did he just forget where he left his keys?

Dave 'The Clickbait King' Johnson

And don’t even get me started on the arrows. Why are there always arrows? Like, 'OMG, look over here!' No, I don’t want to look over there. I’m here for the video, not to play a game of 'Where’s Waldo?'

Dave 'The Clickbait King' Johnson

But the real kicker? The titles. 'You won’t believe what happens next!' Spoiler alert: nothing happens next. It’s just a guy eating cereal. But you clicked, didn’t you? That’s the magic of clickbait. It’s like the modern-day pyramid scheme, except instead of money, you’re trading your dignity for views.

Dave 'The Clickbait King' Johnson

Let’s talk about the small YouTubers. You know, the ones with 12 subscribers. And half of those are probably their mom. Like, 'Hey mom, I just uploaded a new video!' And she’s like, 'That’s great, honey. I’ll watch it later.' Spoiler: she won’t.

Dave 'The Clickbait King' Johnson

And then there’s the analytics. Oh, the analytics. You check them every hour, like a gambler checking their lottery ticket. 'Oh, I got 3 views this week! That’s a 50% increase from last week!' Yeah, because last week you only had 2 views. One of which was you accidentally clicking on your own video.

Dave 'The Clickbait King' Johnson

But here’s the worst part: the comments. You finally get a comment, and it’s like, 'First!' First? First what? First to waste their time? Congratulations, you win absolutely nothing. Except maybe the realization that you need a hobby.

Dave 'The Clickbait King' Johnson

So you want to go viral, huh? Here’s a pro tip: fake it. All you need is a potato, a dream, and absolutely no shame. Just film yourself doing something weird, like juggling potatoes, and call it 'The Potato Revolution.' Boom, instant viral video.

Dave 'The Clickbait King' Johnson

And if that doesn’t work, just add a sad backstory. 'This potato represents my journey through life. It’s been peeled, mashed, and fried, but it’s still here.' Suddenly, everyone’s sharing your potato video. Why? Because people love a good sob story, even if it’s about a vegetable.

Dave 'The Clickbait King' Johnson

And if all else fails, just blame it on the algorithm. 'The YouTube algorithm didn’t like my potato video.' No, Dave, the algorithm didn’t like it because it’s a potato video. Maybe try something more exciting, like juggling flaming chainsaws. Or at least a sweet potato.