The Secret AI Wars

Dr. Wit

Ladies and gentlemen, have you heard about the latest in AI technology? It's so advanced, even the government doesn't know what it does!

Agent Straight

That's impossible. The government knows everything.

Dr. Wit

Oh really? Then why did they classify my coffee machine as a top-secret AI project? It just makes coffee!

Agent Straight

But your coffee machine predicted tomorrow's weather.

Dr. Wit

No, it just leaks when it's going to rain! That's not AI, that's bad plumbing!

Agent Straight

Sir in the front row, is your phone recording this? That's classified coffee information!

Dr. Wit

You know what's funny? Norway thinks we're hiding superintelligent AI. Meanwhile, my smart fridge keeps freezing my lettuce.

Agent Straight

That's because it's programmed for Norwegian lettuce.

Dr. Wit

Well folks, remember: if your toaster starts predicting stock markets, don't tell this guy - it'll end up in Area 51!