Classroom Chronicles

Marty Teacherman

Hey everyone! Glad to see you all here! Or at least... I hope you're all here. You ever do roll call and think you're just talking to ghosts? You call out a name and it's like 'Diana? Is anyone here?' It's like a live episode of Scooby-Doo. 'Who are you gonna call? NO ONE!'

Marty Teacherman

And isn't it funny when you ask if everyone is ready to start and it's like, 'Yeah, we’re ready!' But really, they’re just ready to discuss the latest TikTok drama. I mean, I’m trying to teach Shakespeare and they’re all like, 'Did you see the one where the cat dances?' I'm like, 'No, but let’s just say it’s the best thing since Hamlet!'

Marty Teacherman

You know, I tell my students, 'Now, let’s begin today’s lesson.' And what do I get? A collective ‘Eh, maybe later.’ It’s like I’m asking them to run a marathon, not simply read a paragraph! I swear, I’ve seen home videos with more enthusiasm. I’m like, 'Come on kids, let’s get down to work!' And they look at me like I just asked them to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded.

Marty Teacherman

So, how many of you here have ever had to take roll call? (Audience raises hands) Yeah! Isn’t it like pulling teeth? I mean, when I call out names, I expect a response! But instead, it’s a symphony of silence! I once had a kid just sit there like I was calling out the names of a marching band he wasn’t a part of. I'm like, 'Raise your hand and say “Present!”' And he’s like, 'Present? I thought you said “Pizza!”'

Marty Teacherman

Listen, before I go, I just want to say, teaching is tough. But it’s also hilarious! You can’t pay for that kind of entertainment. Just remember, the next time you hear a roll call, think of me. And if you hear someone answer with ‘Pizza,’ I guarantee it’s not just my classroom! Thanks for being such a great audience!