Sustainability Shenanigans

Ricky Green

Good evening, everyone! Let's talk about sustainability! You know, that thing corporations are doing to make themselves feel better while still pumping out more CO2 than a factory on Black Friday. I mean, if you want to be environmentally friendly, just stop making plastic straws! Who needs those when we have government paperwork?

Ricky Green

So, the Client is on a mission to become an ESG leader. ESG! Sounds fancy, right? But let's be honest, it really stands for 'Extremely Slow Growth.' It's like they're saying, 'Hey, we used to be bad, but now we’re merely mediocre!' It’s like getting a participation trophy at a race where everyone is still sitting on the couch eating chips!

Ricky Green

How many of you have heard of the EU taxonomy? Yeah, it sounds like a secret club where only the environmentally conscious can enter. 'Sorry, sir, you can't come in; you don't recycle enough.' It's like the bouncers are checking your carbon credits instead of your ID!

Ricky Green

And what's with companies saying they’re integrating IT enhancements for sustainability? It's like saying, 'We're going to make our spreadsheets look so good that nobody will notice we’re still destroying the planet!' Sure, let’s slap some green colors on it and call it eco-friendly! I can see the headlines now: 'Company Saves Planet with a New Font!'

Ricky Green

The result? A future-ready Client! What does that even mean? 'Future-ready' sounds like a kid who just finished preschool and is now focused on getting a degree in procrastination. They’re compliant from 2024! People, that’s like saying, ‘We’ll be on time for dinner... next year.’ Just send me a postcard when you figure it out!

Ricky Green

So remember folks, the next time you hear about a company being sustainable, just think of it as the corporate equivalent of a gym membership. They might look good on paper, but when it comes down to it, they’re still eating pizza on the couch. Thank you, and don't forget to recycle your laughter!