Shots Fired, Laughter Ignited

Alex Jensen

So, you know how they say Vermont is the quiet, peaceful state? Well, apparently, they haven't met Jason Eaton. This guy decided to shake things up by shooting three Palestinian college students on Thanksgiving weekend. I mean, who does that? And in Vermont? It's like bringing a machete to a knitting circle.

Alex Jensen

These guys were just visiting a relative's house for Thanksgiving. They were probably thinking, 'Oh, this is going to be a nice, quiet break from college.' Little did they know, they were about to become part of a Breaking Bad episode. I mean, can you imagine the conversation? 'Hey, Mom, guess what? I got shot in Vermont. But don't worry, it was just a Thanksgiving surprise.'

Alex Jensen

And here's the kicker: two of them were wearing keffiyehs. It's like they walked out of a fashion magazine and into a crime scene. I mean, if you're going to wear a scarf that symbolizes Palestinian solidarity, maybe don't do it in a place where people think keffiyehs are just a really cool way to stay warm in the snow. Just saying.

Alex Jensen

But, you know, the good news is that the FBI is on the case. Because when you need to investigate a hate crime in Vermont, who better to call than the FBI? I mean, it's not like they have a lot of other hate crimes to deal with. It's not like they're in, say, Texas. 'Hey, FBI, we've got a hate crime over here, but we're pretty sure it's just the weather.'

Alex Jensen

And what about President Biden? He was 'horrified' by the shooting. You know, I bet he was. But I also bet he was like, 'Man, this is a lot of work for a holiday weekend. Can't these hate crimes just take a break during the holidays? It's like, you can't even have a peaceful Thanksgiving without someone trying to ruin it.'

Alex Jensen

And the families of these students? They're devastated, of course. But you know what they're also thinking? 'How are we going to explain this to our kids? The kids who are probably more worried about their homework than about being shot in Vermont. Like, 'Hey, sweetie, remember that Thanksgiving we talked about? Well, it kind of went off the rails.'

Alex Jensen

And then there's the community support. The universities are all coming out with statements, which is great. But you know what else is great? When the community comes together to support these students. Like, 'Hey, we're all in this together, and we're going to make sure you get through this. And if you need anything, just let us know. Except for maybe a keffiyeh-free zone.'

Alex Jensen

And let's not forget the media coverage. I mean, it's all over the news. 'Shocking Shooting in Burlington, Vermont!' It's like the title of a bad movie. 'In this quiet college town, three students face the ultimate Thanksgiving surprise. Will they survive? Will they ever be able to look at a keffiyeh the same way again? Stay tuned!'

Alex Jensen

But, you know, the real story here is about the strength of these students. They're not letting this define them. They're not letting hate win. And that's what we should all be talking about. So, the next time you see someone wearing a keffiyeh, don't assume the worst. Just assume they have a really good sense of fashion. Or, you know, they're just trying to stay warm in Vermont.

Alex Jensen

And, you know, this whole thing just goes to show that being a minority is no joke. You never know when you might become the punchline of someone else's hate. But the thing is, we can't let that stop us. We have to keep going, keep moving forward, and keep making the world a better place. Even if it means we have to laugh about it along the way.

Alex Jensen

So, the next time you see a story like this on the news, remember: it's not just a headline. It's a reminder that we need to do better. We need to be kinder, more empathetic, and more understanding. Because at the end of the day, we're all just trying to get through Thanksgiving without getting shot. Thanks for listening, and have a great night!